Fuck Y'all

Spring Break is approaching.  I'm not going to a beach.  So fuck y'all.  I'm going to Chicago.  Maybe watchin the Bulls.

Charlie Sheen Seems Like A Fun Guy

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Highlights:

"Passionate"

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special"

"They picked a fight with a warlock"

"Winning"

"Epic, epic behavior"

"It's 3 mil an episode now"

Quoting Allen Iverson

Now I've been watching this shit all day in between classes.  It is awesome.  He actually does seem like he's a nice guy.  So he likes to get a little fucked up and hang out with porn stars.  Oh well.  At least he isn't cowering like Lohan.  The dude has balls.  I respect that.  Obviously he is on a lot of coke.  Obviously he will use again.  Obviously you wont beat addiction with mind power.  Obviously he is pretty close to dying.  Wouldn't be surprised if he croaked in the next month.  But still.  From what I've heard from other interviews and read from people close to him, he is a nice guy who is tired of not saying anything.  Now that he is, should attribute this blog with some A+ material.

Winning.

Food Court Proposal Goes Awry

Food Court Proposal Gone Wrong - Watch more Funny Videos


Dumbass.  What did he expect?  "Yeah and then he got down on one knee in front of Panda Express and it really took my breath away."

I mean he could have been a nice guy and all but that's just a bonehead move.  At least get her some food first so she at least wants to stay and eat.

And Sweet Caroline?  Really?  I used to pull my balls out to this song my first year at college.  Not eggsactly romantic dipshit.

School Band Covers Rage

Head-Banging School Band Plays Rage Against The Machine - Watch more Funny Videos


The girl in the red shirt is straight gettin it.  It looks like everyone in the band is feelin this but she is on a another level.

And what headbanging instrument is she rocking.  The motherfucking flute.



Ps.  I might post about the Oscars later but maybe not.  They sucked.  No surprises.  No girls looked slutty.  Shitty hosts.  We'll see.

Never Mind

Just kidding about the whole Live Blog thing.  Blo/No just got hit by a hail storm and apparently it changed the Oscars to this shitty show called The Unit.  Makes sense.  Only on the biggest night of my year.  Ugh.  Why does this always happen to me?!  Sooo much homework.  Ugh!  My cat just died too.  Everyone say prayers!  My mom is in jail too!  God hates me!  Does anyone love me?  Homework!!!!  I wish I had someone to hold me!  ....(Drake Lyric).....   ...............Oh wait, I'm not on Facebook.

Best Original Score

Trent Reznor better take it.  The music in that movie was intense as fuck.  I mean I was pumped watching some dork write code for 2 hours.  That's what a score should do.

Acadamy Awards Live Blog

Supporting Acress:  Melissa Leo

Best Adapted Screenplay:  Sorkin

Best Supporting Actor:  Bale

3 for 3 so far.  

We all know the Best Actor and Actress is where the politics take over.  

Fucking Annette Bening...

Lions Are Fucking Cool

Guy's name is Kevin Richardson.  Like the Backstreet Boy.  Except not as thug.  

This fucking guy.  Best job in the world.  Just spent about 3 hours watching his vids.  I've always been good with animals.  I dunno about lions.  But I can sure teach a dog to sit.

This is cool and all, but not natural.  I say this because I was raised by lions.  The lions took to me because I was born with so much raw dominance and sexuality that they thought I was part of the pride already.  That doesn't just happen. Very rare.

Something tells me this guy's gunna run into a descendant of Scar someday.  Then it wont all be fun and games Kevin.

That was a close one Kev.  Maybe you should go to where the bravest lions go.  You know the...Elephant Graveyard.

Second Thor Trailer Is Out - Better Than First

This dropped today.  Alright.  I'll bite.  This movie looks fuckin sick.  And Chris Hemsworth kinda looks like me with his shirt off.  Like same everything.  Except I got a little more hair around the nipples cuz I'm not a pussy.

First Hangover 2 Trailer Is Out

In the follow-up, Phil (Cooper), Stu (Helms), Alan (Galifianakis) and Doug (Bartha) travel to exotic Thailand for Stu’s wedding. After the unforgettable bachelor party in Las Vegas, Stu is taking no chances and has opted for a safe, subdued pre-wedding brunch. However, things don’t always go as planned. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens in Bangkok can’t even be imagined.

Here we go.  Round 2?  I honestly can't wait for this movie.  Takes place in Bangkok.  I've been there.  Saw a sex show there.   The writing is good.  The director didn't change.  I just loathe the day all of the little white girls start beating the fucking jokes to death in statuses and Tweets.  Fucking white girls.  Gotta ruin the fun for everybody.  Right Kanye?

Joke Of The Day

The Joke is partially this picture.  You fucking kidding me?  Nice face, bro.

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Kanye Knocked Somebody Up

Yeezy Tweeted this to me after that one jam.  I was all, "Tell me about it Ye'."  Psych.  I use contraception.  And by contraception I mean I pull out.  

Only Kanye can Tweet something like this.  Isn't part of the point of getting the 100k abortion to hide the fact that you got someone preggers?  Like you don't have to pay child support till the little brat is 18 but you don't wanna be known as this really famous guy who pays his girls to get abortions too.

Straight Chillin

Today I checked my stats.  I've made 20 cents with about 2,000 views. On my way to a double cheese at McDonald's baby.

Workin hard or hardly workin?

Jam + Vid of The Day

Yeezy Tweeted me this.  I like it.  The voice is straight hypnotiq.  The vid is outta this world.  I don't understand a damn thing he's fucking saying but I like his flow.  

His flow makes me wanna ruin my pristine R&B voice so I can get back in the booth.

Stay Tuned.

Bieber and Aniston Got Haircuts...Are Dating.

So, I lied about the dating part.  

Looking good guys!  I can't Belieb this makes news.

Girls will love Bieber's haircut.  And by girls I mean lesbians.

Aniston's hair...big mistake.  Should have stuck with the Rachel.

Irina Shayk = Monique?

Ripped this directly from Durden.  

I told ya.  She's sneaky.  This crazy bitch doesn't shave her legs.

Exhibit A:

Damn Russians.

Victoria Justice Is Hot

Nick Jonas stopped by Victoria Justice's 18th...good timing.

Nick Jonas stopped by to wish Victoria Justice a happy 18th birthday at her Onitsuka Tiger sponsored bash at Tru Hollywood on Saturday.

Not even going to lie, I've never heard a J Bro song.  So step aside.

This girl is pretty.  Great face.  And she looks a bit Latina.  18 is even too young for me though.

Is That Your Sister In The Outfield, Naked?

Yeah Yeah and Ham from The Sandlot just fuckin chillin.  Saw this the other day.  Figured it's the only way to bring the momentum down from the Kelly Brook post.

I mean yeah, Yeah Yeah got fucking yoked.  Ham didn't.  But Yeah Yeah never made this film.

You're welcome.

Kelly Brook Shot An Ad For Something

Kelly Brook shot an ad for something. Don't know what it is. Don't care. She. Looks. So. Fucking. Hot.

I gotta pull out an Alfie quote on this one.  "For us boys it's all about F.B.B.  Face.  Boobs.  Bum.  I'm just being honest."

Amen Alfie.  Kelly has all 3.  Plus a British accent.  The perfect storm of a woman.

New Little Kid Viral Video

Yeah sweetheart.  We get it.  You're mommy is upset that her hopes and dreams of a career were ruined when you popped out so she told you to say some semi-feminist stuff into the camera.  

Can't wait until she's about 22, looks fading fast.  "Yeah I'll marry you so I don't have to work."

Natalie You Dog

NP's new ad for Dior came out (Below).  Besides the fact like I love Dior galore. I love the cut... this ad doesn't do it for me.    This is sexy?  Flowers?  Taking clothes off?  Smelling good?  Pulling a bitch back into bed for another round?  

Seems like a Tuesday afternoon with the Mrs. to me.

Phillippe You Dog

Well, well, well...

 Ol' Ryan likes his coffee black does he.  Looks like Spring is really here.  All the stars starting to get all frisky and stuff.  And by stars I mean me.  I had to do some push-ups yesterday when I saw one of my teachers in the hallway so I didn't start humping their leg.  He doesn't like that sort of thing.

Sources have told Us Weekly this shit...

Rihanna's got a steamy new collaboration! Though one source told Us Weekly the singer, 23, appeared to blow offRyan Phillippe, 36, at a Gucci/Roc Nation brunch in L.A. on Feb. 12, a second insider says it was actually just the opposite -- and that the two had a sleepover that very night!

And this shit...

"She thinks he's hot," says the source. "They totally had sex. And it wasn't even the first time!"

Who is this source?  Some random kid on the sidewalk by Starbucks who had too much caffein?

They totally fucking did it!  They've done it a lot!  Like different positions and stuff!  Like pile-driving!

Clooney You Dog

Clooney was talking to Newsweek I guess.  Since he's an advocate for good shit and like saves African babies and stuff people obviously want him to run for office.  I mean isn't that all it takes?  I adopted a little black kid the other day for 2 reasons.  The first being those little bastards are cute as fuck.  Unlike white babies.  And the second being I wan't to have a kid in the NFL someday.  I digress...

Clooney was quoted about saying this...

“I didn’t live my life in the right way for politics, you know,” Clooney, 49, told Newsweek. “I f--ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth.” And, he says, if he did run for office, he'd admit everything up front. He'd "start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water.’?”

Bravo George.  Bravo.

I want his quote to be the title of my autobiography.

  “I fucked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth."

Rosie and her main bitch split

Well thank God.  

John Cena Is A Dead Man

Holy shit.  The exchanges between these two are going to be fucking sweet.  I'm 100% back into wrestling.  

Just straight callin The Rock gay and shit?!  Sayin Dwayne and got no Johnson?!  Oh hell no.  

Pretty sure my Rock post last week was my most popular ever.  Guess I gots ta make this a wrestling blog.  I'm fine with that.

Bieber Was At Black Thanksgiving

He won MVP after shooting like shit and losing.  

He crossed Common.  

Common pushes him down for making him look like a bitch on national TV.

The End.

Olivia Munn And This Fuckin Guy?

Really?  She seems to rough for him.  He needs to date Taylor Swift or some shit.  She's too much of a sex pot for em.  She needs to date John Mayer or me.  I've never been too big on her but she seems cool and especially lately, very sexy.  Like for some reason I could see her trying to stick a finger in my ass during sex and I'd just kinda let it happen and we'd laugh about it afterwards.  Like that kind of cool.  

Here she is getting fucked up with Kathy Lee and Hoda.

Skip to 4:10.

Brit Took Her Mistakes To Fish

Hey Britney!  Lookin good!  

Gosh, having kids seems like it's just all sunshine and fun all day.  She just looks so happy.  She's got that glow.  

This is the same person that has the hottest song in the world right now.  Making millions.

Don't really have much else to say.  

Correlation Between Oral Sex and Oral Cancer Found - Aw Fuck

Yahoo Health hit me with this bomb today.  Then I read it on Barstool, so it's definitely true.  I guess there was a big correlation found between White Males and oral cancer caused by going down on someone with HPV.  If you don't know how prevalent HPV is, Google that shit.  

Umm.  Fuck.  

I don't even want to write much.  Just thought people should know because I'm a little freaked out.

Being a white guy is tough these days.  

Luckily I also read today that the Gardasil vaccine works on men now too.  It's only about $350 bucks too.  Sign me the fuck up.  

That news is depressing.  This clip isn't.

Kanye's New Vid

I don't know about you crazy motherfuckers, but this song gets me so effin pumped it's stupid.

I mean I named this masterpiece I call my blog after it.  Turn up the lights on this shit.  I want ya'll to see this.  I heard this shit in the club and I thought I was Kanye West for like 4 minutes.  I just fuckin stood there with my arms wide open looking at the stage lights.  People felt the fuck out of me per usual.  "Look at him.  Is he a god?  He's looks really cool."

The vid is just OK to me though.  However, Rihanna looks sexy.  I can never tell with her.  Sometimes she brings it but sometimes, woof.  

Cudi kills it.  Doesn't even turn to the camera.  Swag.

Grindin'

 I'll start blogging about life, love and happiness later because I'm grinding all day long.  Until then, here ya go.  Everyone likes old Jordan pics.  That and OC clips.

D Rose Went Off

Rose went for 42 and 8 assists last night.  Dude is smooth.  I saw that some people I know went to the game last night too.  Fuck off.  Not fair.  Although I saw Jordan in game 5 against the Jazz when I was like 8 from the second row.  So I guess we're even.

MVP.  Obvi.

Jon Gosselin Found A Job

I used to really hate this guy.  Terrible father.  Yeah, he's a huge douche bag.  Yeah he wore a lot of Ed Hardy.  But, at least he's trying.  He works for a construction company in Pennsylvania now installing solar panels.  

Look, he's not writing a fucking book or dancing with the stars so I'm cool with it.  And he's promoting being green?

Hats off, Jon.

Looks Like The Writers Of CSI Read My Bieber Post

This vid will be everywhere in about 1-2 days.  Remixed and auto-tuned.  Just remember where you saw it first.

Bieber - "He's got a bomb!"

CSI Guy - "Yeah right!  Fuck the Biebs!"

BOOM.  Boom babababbababoooooomm.

...and I was like, Baby, Baby, Baby ohhhhhhh.

Really?

This is what you've been hyping?  Is B Spears even in the video?  Is that her stomach?  Shit looks like silly puddy just slapped on there.  Can the editing be worse?  I mean obviously supposed to be like that so we can't really see what she's become.  Which is washed up.  Sad really.  I used to beat it to Brit more than anyone back in the day.  "No, mom!  Just watching TV!  Don't come in though!"

Rize

These lil bastards ripped it.  No other way to put it.  The first kid, smooth.  He's like the Ne-yo of the group.  2nd little rascal got grimy wit dat.  Like super grimy.  All chest for like 30 seconds.  At like 1:15 he's all, "Ha, nope."  Then at like 1:18 he's all, "Leggo, AH!  Boom, Cat!"  And then we get a show from the third one.  His buddies are like aww shit, D 'andre is about to go off.  That one kid is like I can't even look.  I had a mean stink face on during the whole thing.  Well done.  Maybe I wanna have kids after all.  

Joke Of The Day

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust.

Funny And Hot

Saw this on Barstool the other day and thought it was funny.  I never like to rip directly from them but I think El Pres ripped my Khloe post from last week so now we're even.  Plus I know Jenna likes the attention.

This is Jenna.  You might recognize her from her other vid about how to trick people into thinking you're really good looking.  She's really hot.  And she's pretty funny.  She's what ya call the Bengal Tiger of women because it is an endangered coincidence that a chick is smart and hot but I'll give it to her.  Plus, I didn't know that a Boston accent on a girl could be sexy, but I like it.  Just want her to say, "I sar a dead guy."

I don't get rejected at bars.  Especially when my dick is in something's butt-hole without them knowing.

That's like my move.

However, if I saw that face?  I'd probably buy her a drink then run away.  She's smart.  It would work.

Joke Of The Day

Just Camilla lookin' stylish.

I'm a bit of a grammar buff as you can tell from all of my misplaced commas and run ons.

Try this one on for size.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To Whom.

Nooooooooo

Jessica Alba is preggers.  God damnit.  Right when she started to look amazing again.  Granted she can't act but she's really really hot and of course, exotic.  The lips, boobs, butt.  Mmm.  All so good.  Say bye bye though.  She rebounded good after that little brat Honor came out of er but I just don't know about the next one.  There's usually a rule that 1 or 2 babies ruins any woman.  But then again, Posh Spice doesn't give a fuck after 3rd on her 4th does she.  It's like Becks wants to ruin her with his seed but he just can't.  

3rd On The Hunt - B Snow

Vanessa is even getting a little Brittany Snow all up in 'er.  Go 'head girl.  

Yummy

Hey Ladies!  Lookin' good!

Damon Watch - Premier Night

Damon at the Adjustment Bureau premier.  Just lovin' life.  How can you not love this guy.  Just a stand up dude who does shit like this.  Just rattling off every movie he's ever made.  Euro Trip?  Classic.

How cool is he when the guy asks an Academy Award winner if he can whip soft toys at his head.  

Without hesitation, "Yeah let me move my tea."  

"I don't think I named Good Will Hunting."  - "You did!"  "Oh, I did."  Hahahaha.  Fuckin stud.

Scott Sucks

Not impressed, bro.  Does anyone know what this motherfucker does yet?  Who do the other two Kardashians fuck?  World Champions and shit?  Good luck Scott.  

At least these two don't have their own sex scent though.

2nd On The Trail For VH - Chase Crawford

Alright Vanessa.  I know what you're doing.  She obviously wants Zac back.  And here is why.

All girls do this thing when you dump em.  First, they call and text a lot.  Then they cry a lot.  Then they tell you how you're unlike any other.  Then they sneak into your room when you're sleeping and start having sex with you while you're still dreaming so you think it's a dream but it's really not and then they leave and you're all, "Did that happen?"  Then they find some famous black guy to sit next to at fashion shows in NYC.  Then they do this.  Find someone that looks just like you and flirt with em.

Like Crawford doesn't look like Efron.  C'mon Hudge.  Step your game up.

The Hunt For Hudgens Is On

Uh-Oh.  Yeezy Yee on the runway with V Hudge. 

'Ye can even pull off that Michael Jackson jacket, with all them zippers.  Vanessa looks happy.  It's all over.  I like it.  Take her down Kanye.  He'll probably tweet something like, "I JUST TALKED TO VANESSA HUDGENS, SHES SO FINE, I WANNA TAKE HER TO ITALY AND MEET THE POPE WITH HER NOW!"  

How would you feel if you were Efron?  That would suck.  I don't care if you ARE a big movie star.  Once your ex fucks a black dude, you're done.  

Unless your me.  Then they just come right back because my rhythm blows theirs out of the water.  

Uh Bieber? Go Fuck Yourself, Sir.

Alright.  This post might get a little long.  Maybe ranting a little.  Might use some bad words.

Turn away now if you still like Justin Bieber.

Well THIS is interesting.  He done fucked up now.  I try to be nice.  I try to be civilized on this fucking blog.  But no more.  This little prick just slipped up.  And I'm here to set the record straight...

Bieber must die.

The little fucker is in the new issue of Rolling Stone.  Here is what his uninformed ass had to say.  We'll start slow...

"I don't think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them," Bieber says. When asked if he believes in abstinence until marriage, Bieber – who is reportedly dating fellow teen star Selena Gomez – seems wary: "I think you should just wait for the person you're...in love with."

OK.  I'm fine with that.  Good for you.  You don't want Selena to go telling all of her hot friends that you don't know what you're doing in the sack.  But don't talk the talk and flirt with every piece of pussy you come across though and then back off when someone asks about sex.  I hate those people.  Like when someone was a complete slut at one point but now lectures people about how premarital sex is evil.  Man up.

This is where it gets a tad fucking stupid...

The Canadian-born Bieber never plans on becoming an American citizen. "You guys are evil," he says with a laugh. "Canada's the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don't need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you're broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home."

Thanks for the healthcare advice, Biebs!

Alright you little shit.  I get it.  You're 16.  You haven't exactly done your research.  But is that my fault?  That you don't know that most people searching for major surgery in your country come to the U-S of motherfucking A for those services?  That Canadian doctors and facilities suck dick?  Canada's the best country in the world?  Go fuck yourself Bieber.  I'll stop there because hopefully the people who read this blog are smart enough that they know what he said is ridiculous or are at least proactive enough to google some shit.

And you do worry about paying for healthcare?  Taxes Justin.  Learn what they are.

And if you don't like America, stop earning a fucking living here you little shit.

And now the kicker...

He isn't sure what political party he'd support if he was old enough to vote. "I'm not sure about the parties," Bieber says. "But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad." He does have a solid opinion on abortion. "I really don't believe in abortion," Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby?" How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

Genius.

I almost feel bad for the little guy.  He doesn't know what the fuck comes out of his mouth.  He's 16.  

Almost.

Sorry Korea.  Bieber's not a fan.

Not going to touch the abortion issue.  I want views.  But not that bad.

First.  Not appropriate to ask a 16 year old about rape.  Period.  Bad journalism.

But the little brat fucked up and answered.  So.  It's fair game.

What in the fuck are you thinking?  Everything happens for a reason?  Shit hits the fan when someone doesn't ask this kid about girls or hairstyles.  Usher is pissed.  I mean sure.  Of course rape has its place.  It happens for a reason.   Yeah right.   Tell that to Vince Vaughn in "Wedding Crashers."

Aw, who am I kidding.  Kid's a hit maker.