Yo Girl at :40, Occupy Deez Nuts

I wanna be on that.

God, girls like her are the best.  Probably hit the party scene too hard when she was like 18 and now she just fights for weird obscure, ludicrous causes like women's equality and dreamcatchers.

But boy, oh boy, is she sexy.  Watching her 3 seconds of camera time was like being with a puppy for a whole hour, simply the best.

Don't Judge Me

First of all, don't judge me.

You've all been there before.

The lights in the living room are off but the TV is on mute and you accidentally type in "Adam Lambert" on youtube.

Happens to everyone, right?

He fucking kills Play that Funky Music.  Even I would fuck that beautiful, beautiful man.

I agree with Slash.  Maybe just stay on the low registers.

I fuckin love this stoner dude/guy.

Don't ask me how I know, but I know this dude got kicked off immediately when they said it wasn't a competition for weed.

I wanna have this motherfucker's babies -

Smooth as black dude.

This one is probs my favy - 1:45 for the goods.

Oh and...

Beyonce isn't really pregnant...

Using a surrogate...

Christina Aguilera Sang and Probably Ate Whole Pig In Europe

Umm, Christina?

Are you in there?

Blink if you're in there.

Fix your hair if you're in there.

Start running if you're in there.

No one has fallen faster from my spank bank faster than Christina.

I remember when I was a young lad still jerkin it to Maxim magazine.  

She was the go-to material for like a good year.  Do you know how long a magazine lasts when you use it for masturbation purposes?

Like 6 days.  

Especially when you're 13.  Like, now it's probably down to a reasonable 3 times a day.

But back when I was 13 it was like 14 times a day.  My skin down there was like the leather they used for battle in the Middle Ages.

Anyway... here is an homage to what used to be...

You might notice a trend of her trashier days.

You caught me.  I fuckin loved that shit.

Dirtier the better.

Nothing sexier than a girl that knows she's a nympho.

Go 'head Xtina.  Do yo thang, baby.

Leo Dumped Blake

Happened while I was gone.

Looks like Bar had something ol' Blake didn't.

I'd like to guess that it was something weird like Leo really liked to be dominated and Blake wasn't into it.

But, who knows?

How would it feel to be Blake though?

Probably pretty good.

I mean yeah you got used... Yeah you're interchangeable...

But look, there are other famous people that are younger and hotter than Leo.

Namely me.

And hey, you're still rich, young and famous so, fuck it.

When Shitting Your Pants Goes Bad? Or Really, Really Good

Ripped this from the Stool.

This crazy honey can hear just fine.

The thing she really can't do?

Hold her fucking stool.

I've seen it a million times.  Act like you can't hear shit then let real shit out into your pants.

This lady is like the Dolli Llama (I know the spelling is wrong but it's funny) of shitting pants.

This lady is the Tom Brady of pooping yourself.

Take notes everyone.  This is how you do it.

What's Up You Fucking Animals?

I see you lookin' Minka...

And yeah, you see me.

I'm back.

Not even going to apologize for taking such a long siesta because I just checked my stats and I've still been getting steady hits since I left.

Ya'll love my shit huh?

Anyway...

I'm going to ease you guys back into this.

We might have a few virgins to the site.

Don't worry.  I'll be gentle.

Maybe.

Gossling Watch! (and Scarlet Johansson naked)

Ryan Gossling told the UK newspaper The Times this shit -

“I had two of the greatest girlfriends of all time. I haven’t met anybody who could top them. … Showbusiness is the bad guy. When both people are in show business it’s too much show business. It takes all of the light, so nothing else can grow.”

Did this dude do it again or did he do it again?

Was that a metaphor about love and photosynthesis?

I THINK SO.

But wait!  There's more!

Ryan on working with Clooney on "Ides of March" -

“I can only kind of compare it to seeing Michael Jackson in This Is It, where he’s trying to explain to a keyboard player how to play a certain part and the keyboard player isn’t getting it right, and Mike Jackson just knows exactly how he wants this part played, even in the see of other parts being played, he can pick that out. That’s kind of what George is like. He’s like Michael Jackson, basically.”

Yo, Ryan, I saw that part too bro.  I thought the same thing!  Michael just knew what he wanted.

I'm slowly becoming the gayest person I know because of this guy.  I mean sure I questioned my sexuality when I was 12 years old just like any other young man.  But then I got a boner when I saw my first pair of tits and knew my sexual preference was pretty set.

HOWEVER, is there such thing as having too big a man crush?  Like, when does it get borderline homosexual?  Granted, this question is not for me because I feel like I can find a man attractive and not want to suck his dick too.  I just have it like that I guess.

But everyone else out there better check your dicks because Ry Guy over here is a straight dick wrecker.

And something to keep my male readers around...

Sorry for the delay...my internet was down, you perverts.

NFL To Give Fines For Loving America And Paying Tribute To Heros

So, the NFL is set to delvier fines to those players planning to wear commemorative gear for Sunday's games.

Probably smart move on their part, right?

They make them wear pink for a whole fucking month for titties, but they can't wear AMERICA'S colors for a day?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Emma Glover and Rosie Jones as much as the next guy...

...but let these motherfuckers who are about to rip each other's heads off for your financial gain pay tribute to real life heros.


Lance Briggs said it best in his Tweet -

Reebok great job on these gloves and shoes..looks like I'm getting fined this week. Lol! By far the best fine I will ever have to pay. Thanks…Fines for gloves could be as much as 5k..the shoes 8-10k I think. not 100% on the shoe fine.

Here are some pics of the gear -

Football is back.  

People are patriotic.

God Bless America.

Ryan Gosling Is Still The Biggest Stud On The Planet

Get More: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

Can this guy get any cuter?

I don't care that I like vagina.

I like this guy too.

He's a hero.

In case you don't know what his is all about here.

Fuck The VMAs

(Unrelated image of Henry Cavill as Superman)

Look, the VMAs sucked up and down.

From GaGa making an ass out of herself to Katy Perry trying to be Gaga to B Spears with her Mom Arms.

None of them are as cool as me so I really shouldn't waste time on any of it.

That being said...

Top 2 moments:

Jay Z and Kanye - Otis - Live

They just looked like they were having an absolute blast.  The difference between this and Wayne's performance is that these two bottled their energy and actually focused it into an amazing performance instead of jumping across the stage like a goddamn crazy baby monkey.

Adele - Someone Like You - Live

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Adele

I contemplated if I would even post this because it is so pure.  From the raw emotion to the best voice this generation knows, she absolutely pours her heart out and completely demolishes any other performance in the last 15 years.  I wont sit here and act like I didn't cry when I saw this for the first time.  That's when you know someone has it and I hope everyone else in the room took notes.  They need it.

Bieber Sucks

This fucking kid.  

More on this later when I tear the VMAs apart.

Stay tuned.

Welcome Back To School You Idiots

Welp, the girls are back at ISU and I'm back at Wesleyan.

With my brain and their cute butts it's basically going to be a goddamn breading ground for superhuman children.

Grading The Latest MILFs

Brooke Burke - B-

Yeah, she's still hot.  But I bet her vagina didn't respond well to those kids.  If ya know what I mean.

Heidi Klum - D+

Breaks my heart.  Classic, "I look awesome when I'm all done up and airbrushed," but she aint shit in the sunlight.

And that's the fact, Jack.

Damn kids.

Halle Berry - A-

What can I say?  The exception to the rule.  Go 'head girl.

This one is for you Halle...

This Is Basically What I'm Doing To Life Right Now

Live. Laugh. Love.

And this is just genius....

"DIE DIE DIE"

"You think you're gunna get rid of me by throwin a twin size mattress off the balcony?"

Funny Or Die Video

Genius.

From start to finish.

Normally I would give my favorite quotes.

Can't.

Love em all.

Irina Shayk Has A Cool Body

Happy Monday fuckers.

.

Oh. My. God.

At first I thought these were fake.

They aren't.

This is the same kid who freaked out and tried to shove a remote up his own ass.

I think this is like some new sort of fucked up..

Like, his parents really messed up somewhere.

I would smack the fuck out of this little brat.

But it is funny to watch...

I'm really at a loss for words.

More on this kid later.

Impressive.

Well if this doesn't take the cake, I don't know what does.

Loyalty.

That's all that needs to be said.

Just one guy lovin' what another guy does on some not gay shit.

The only problem I have is...

When this guy is in full swing of a standing 69, does his girl get hot from seeing John Elway's face next to this dude's Johnson?

Like, does she slap him on the thigh to get him to think about John Elway too?

Like, does that get him hot?

So many questions.

So little answers...

Ron Artest, While Insane, Has A Good Heart

Stupid Cat Video Is Kind Of Funny

"Now I think I'll lay down here cuz I got no fuckin bills to pay."

Am I a stupid cat?  This is how I live every day of my life.

I Officially Want To See "The Change-Up"

Almost NC-17.

"They'll laugh their cock off."

"Wrinkles likes to get nutty, bring her along."

"Is she a freak?  We'll take her money."

"We have dumb jobs."

Oh Fuck You Kardashians

Fuck.

Another one?

Really?  Really.

Kris gets another 10% I guess.

I love how she thinks pimping her kids out makes her some kind of businesswoman.

Oops.  That's not a word.

Damon Being Damon - The One Human I Would Marry

If you've ever been bald, you know that your dome gets burnt within 3 minutes.

Classic Damon.

And where was he?  What was he doing?

Fighting for teachers and his mom.  No big deal.

Stud.

Kate Upton Is The D Rose Of Almost Being Naked With A Cow

Speaking of farm animals...

Miranda Kerr Was On A Runway

Dunno about the wank-eye she's got going on here but her tits look awesome.

The one perk of pregnancy.

P.s. Sexy accent...

Kanye and Jay Z feat. Otis Redding - Otis

Y'all.  

Aint.

Ready.

Watch the Throne.

JC Chasez Shits On Matthew Morrison

Hey Matthew, bro, go back to your pussy recorded TV show.

Real men on stage only.

My boi JC just crushing life in this clip.

I've got to agree with the girls in the vid.

I got chills when that stud hit the notes.

Kevin Durant Goes For 66 At Rucker

Dude is in the NBA.

He better be able to do this.

P.s.  My birthday - 9-29-88    Kevin's birthday - 9-29-88

Both the best at what we do.

Him - ballin.

Me - spending my parents money and gettin pussy.

.....and is that fat LBJ at around :50?

Move Over Hugh Jackman

SORRY HUGH.

BIEBER IS HERE.

NOT GIVIN A FUCK TOO.

BIG DAWG.

BIG POPPA.

WHAT DOES THIS KID EAT?  HUMANS?

CALL THIS KID JUSTIN-CREDIBLE.