Series Changer

Missed dunk = series changer.  Bulls advance.  Game over.

Holy Shit

RB has been killing it lately.  Looking hot as fuck even after the OC.  I can't say the same for anyone else on that show really.  Even Seth.

Over - Under On This Line Working This Summer

I'm guessing under 2 weeks this line works.  What chick doesn't want some kid that's all hopped up on 4 Loko to go to town on em?  Such a gentleman about it too.  "Look, I'm tired but I'll motorboat your vagina for you on my house boat for you."  Possibly one of the greatest lines in cinematic history.

Kelli Hutcherson Seems Fun

Hi, Kelli.  I'm Kelli...I mean I'm Joe.  I don't care about you and I will not buy you a drink.

My Fault

There were two things different from game 1 to game 2.  

1.  The Bulls were not efficient.

2.  I didn't drink.

This will never happen again.  Because, I'm smart.

Game 2 - This One Is For The Bears

Got this.  In tha bag.  

Rose - Trip Dub

Lebron - Held under 20

Joakim - Goes for 100

Posin' on ya bitch ass. 

SMOOTH Move, CLOSE Call

Sick grab, bro!

Video is fake.  I still appreciate it though.  Gillette just doing their thang.

Chris Medina From American Idol Is Sad, Again

Video above explaining pretty much everything you need to know before hand.

Anyway, this kid is crying again because he asked AI to give him 2 tickets to the finale of AI.  Most likely for him and his gf.

Look, I get it.  It's a sad story.  Great guy for doing what he did.  Better man than me.  But I can't stand these stories and AI.  What the fuck do you expect kid?

You used the story to get as far as you did.  And I can already hear the bleeding hearts out there saying, "Hey you asshole..." and all that good shit.  He used the story for personal gain.  If he really wanted to make it that far with no help he would have kept his mouth shut and went into the room and auditioned.  But he didn't.  Instead he opened his mouth.  Notice how they do not comment on his voice after the audition.  They immediately say, "Go get your gf."  If it's anything AI knows how to do it's pull ratings our of their asses.

Now this kid wants to tickets to the finale?  For what?  For not even making it into the top 24?  You already got a personalized deal from AI and a penned song written just for you by some fucking producer.  Can't stand stories like this.  It's heartwarming at first until they realize they can always try and get more.  Be grateful you got as far as you did, take your record deal and go home.

Maybe all of that is a little harsh.  I'm still bitter about my boy not making it to the finals.

January Jones Is In The New X-Men

I don't know what it is about this girl.  

Maybe because we have the same initials, JJ?

Maybe because she always looks pissed off and she would probably pull my hair and slap the shit out of me in bed?

Maybe because she's just hot as fuck?

Maybe because I'm 22 and I just have a thing for vacant blondes with big breasts?

Whatever it is, I like it.

Keep up the good work JJ.

What's that?  Oh she's pregnant now?  Disregard everything I just said.  She's dead to me.

Bieber Posed For A Picture

This pic can't be funnier.

So the not funny part of this picture is that these kids are Japanese students affected by the tsunami.

I know how to spell tsunami because I've seen Johnny Tsunami 200 times.

That may be the best tagline of any movie.  Ever.

I Get What You Get In 10 Years In 2 Days

I HAD ONE CRAZY NIGHT LAST NIGHT!

Ok...so maybe this wasn't my bill.  Could be though.  Because I'm not a pussy.

Now I know what to do with my first year's salary...buy 33 bottles of Crystal and throw a ballin' ass party.

No, this bill is actually from LeBron James.  In one night.  In one place.  

I guess this is what you do when you get that ass beat by the Bulls.  Drown them sorrows.  I know I would if Taj Gibson single handedly shitted all over the team that I was supposed to win 19 championships with.

If my background in psychology and being a complete drunk ass has taught me it's that alcohol is a depressant.

To that I say, keep drinking idiot.  Going to be a long off season.

That Was Easy

Chris Bosh (Above).

Talk about setting the tone.  Did the Bulls read my blog before playing.  Halftime, a little worried.   Fourth quarter?  Stoic.  Beautiful.  Sorry 'Bron.   See you in the Finals.  Gorgeous victory.  This is Sparta.

Game 1 - History Begins

This is going to be fun.  Probably the biggest series for the Bulls in what, like, 15 years?  This is huge.  Big stage.  Big teams.  We gotta set the tone tonight though.  If we let 'Bron take us for a W at the UC, we could be fucked.  I'm going to start drinking now so either way I won't care what happens.  I almost don't like that we swept them in the regular season.  Butt fuck it.  Let's go.  This is not Lakers-Celtics era anymore.  The Bulls are back.  Our time.  

Breaking News - Kelly Brook and Kate Upton Are Fun

And...

Kelly is more of a talking on the phone girl.

Kate is more of a text girl.

Don't ask me how I know.

Leo and Bar Split Up

Yes.  Finally.  Leo is single.

Not big on Bar.  She's great and all.  Just not what I'm looking for right now.  She texted me after the break-up and wanted to grab some lunch to talk about our future and I was all like, "Whoa, B.  Whoa.  Pump the breaks.  Already suffocating me?"  And she was all, "Joe, I broke up with Leo for you.  Your acting is way better than his and your eyes are a lot sexier."

Nice Ride Bro

Mark Salling from Glee took his mini-dirtbike out.  ....and then he fucking crashed it like a nerd.  

Fucking Glee kids.  I guess having a mohawk doesn't automatically give you abilities like keeping a fucking bike up on flat ground.  Stick to tricycles pussy.

Jen Aniston Is Making A Comeback - Blows A Banana

This is the trailer for Horrible Bosses.  Cast is great.  Love Bateman.  Love Charlie Day.  Jen Aniston looks surprisingly hot in it too.  She blows a banana towards the end of the trailer.  I got semi-hard when I saw it too.  But that also means I was still semi-soft.  I can usually get semi-hard if the wind is blowing just right some days so it didn't really impress me too much.  But fine, she looks good in it.  

Take That, Royal Wedding

Sorry bout ya England.  Fuck you Kate and Pippa (not really though, holler at me Pippa).

America is up in this bitch now.

As I'm sure you idiots have heard,  bin Laden is dead.

Call me whatever the opposite of patriotic is but...............who gives a fuck?

It's been 10 years.  Dude has been sick as fuck for like 80 and probably dead for at least 5.

I mean I'm not still mad at my teacher in 7th grade for giving me an C in Math am I?  That old bitch is going to die soon anyway.  Let her take that shit up with God.

I will say one thing.  Bravo, Obama.  Bravo.  Dude has been on fire lately.  Here he is at the correspondents dinner.

I mean you can't fuck with this dude in his own house.  It's like playing the Bulls at home.  Not going to win.

Plus, he combined everything I love in life:  Hulk Hogan's entrance music, Lion King, Matt Damon and shitting on people.  

He really is killing it right now.  He's treating this election like I treat school and the end of the night.  Don't give a fuck until the very last minute and then close like Tiger in the '97 Masters.